lil’ snow white

then i asked him to go date e girl who’s interested in him first, n go enjoy salsa n his freedom first before deciding. i felt he shld really think abt wat he wans in life, other than a wife, before we talk abt anythin else.

so yup.. wif this we came to an end.. or perhaps jus a short pause before we embark on our 2nd journey together. it always feels better thinkin that there’s hope, even if it might eventually turn out otherwise.

shortly after i felt really teary.

i duno why i feel e way i do, n i duno why im doin these things i’m doin.

my conclusion was i see him more as a very close family member now rather than a lover. yeah i noe, i have unrealistic expectations abt love n relationships. i think bfs shld always be lovey dovey, n touch n kisses breathtaking.

i jus feel miserable n i dun wanna go thru wat i’ve gone thru for e past 5 mths, weepin in my room n cryin to my bf. i am (quite) ok being single n in comparison it seems like a better deal than bein attached to no one.

yet i feel a huge sense of loss, n i cldnt help but feel like cryin. n then i ask myself if i cld jus go back to xing xing n apparently all e problems will be solved when i go back, accordin to him. i never believed in that. it’s an excuse for him to not make a conscious effort to maintain e LDR.

n it doesnt help tt dt’s been sweet n nice. who was there when i missed my flight to salzburg, n told me he wished he cld be there wif me? actually anyone cld be.. anyone who bothers msg-ing me before my flight at 12pm SGT. i really can manage missin my flights on my own, u noe.. but a sweet text somehow jus makes things easier.

yet i’m aware tt ppl tend to be sweetest at e start. wasnt xing xing jus as sweet, if not 10 times more adorable, when we were still dating? i’m so afraid this is jus gonna be e same.. i dun wanna go thru all e breakups n heartaches anymore.

how do u even manage, when u break up wif someone u think is “the best”? who else can go ard cathedrals n museums wif me, sharin his interesting insights abt these stuffs? life seems only to bring more regrets in future.. all becos of my warped values.

dt says i’m tryin to “put one foot on each boat n see who gives more attention”, but no.. i’m not. i’m jus a fuckin confused little girl n all i wan now is time to myself, away frm all e troubles.

—

Athens was immensely beautiful.. i love e Acropolis n e Agora! every pic taken was like of postcard quality.. i have a fren who now is considerin greece as her honeymoon destination, n another who told me he’s never thot of gg to greece till he saw my pics!

jus look at that clear, blue sky n the sunshine! i absolutely love e weather haha.

e historical sites at Acropolis

athens apparently is not that tourist-savvy. they do not rent audio guides even at such a popular place! damn.. there’re tour guides to hire tho, but we din since we were quite on budget. n i suspect ray doesnt give a shit abt e history behind these structures lol..

lovely pics

i kinda hate walkin ard without knowin how these buildings came abt n their story etc. i only had some pathetic info which i printed off e net.. but e weather made up for everything! hehe. been deprived frm sunshine for too long in london. i dun exactly love scorchin sun n im not a beach babe, so i dun hate livin in london, but e sun + cool weather in athens was jus wonderful!

the giant temple of Olympian Zeus

wat remains of e giant temple today is jus a couple of columns.. but e pictures turned out brilliant! gosh.. again every pic looks like it’s worth a print on a postcard haha. n i’ve not done ANY photoshop color adjustment etc on all e athens pics! whoa.. love athens!

n then i had crepes - nutella, hazelnut, caramel!

at one of our lunches

ray always ends up wif weird food, cos he always tries to order e most exotic n different stuffs. e drink he’s havin is Aryan, a bulgarian drink made of kan sour yoghurt n water.

me: how’s it?
ray: *takes a deep breath* it’s… different
me: *take a sip* oh YUCK… it seriously tastes like shit
ray: *takes another sip* hmm.. it’s ok lar. actually it’s not tt bad
me: wah.. u really noe how to self comfort urself leh. wahaha!

dinner at an old tavern

we got e set menu

at this nice old taverna, e old owner presented us wif 16 dishes at our table, out of which we hadda choose 5. e choosin process was quite fun! sthg different! hehe.

on another nite we had dinner at this really nice restaurant. e food was not as good tho haha. we had a couple of drinks (i mean 1 glass for me haha) n then it was time to go clubbin!!

love e decor n ambience

drinks at e nice restaurant

initially it was quite borin cos obviously ray is not a dancer, e music was quite house n i din feel like dancin on my own. after a while i jus cldnt stand standin ard n watchin ppl have fun, so i started dancin on my own wahaha!

ray started suggestin that we cld go check out other places, to see if there’re rnb clubs ard. kao.. wanna waste my money again. obviously u dun club.. so even if we go to an rnb club, im not gonna enjoy it.

so anyway e nite went on n it got more n more fun! they started playin rnb n ray started dancin after downin 6 bottles of heineken. then they switched e music to greek clubbin music which was so totally happenin n cool! I LOVE GREEK MUSIC!! hahaha. somewat indian, middle eastern, mysterious n sexy. yum yum.. not for e normal singaporean clubber, but for me it was fantastic! i think fiona wld have loved it very much too. wished she was there wif me.. bleah.

me after clubbin. was so warm, i din need stockings at all!

shoppin in athens

one of e days was spent shoppin ard ermou street n explorin e plaka area. ray was nice enough to go ard wif me as i checked out all my fave mango, zara, bershka boutiques. haha! found some quite good bargains there hee!

n we checked out e port at piraeus too. there wasnt much at piraeus..

n it was damn freakin warm.. i din like e scorchin sun that day.. argh.

on our last nite, we decided to have dinner at an old taverna recommended by lonely planet - e old taverna of psara, ie. e fisherman’s tavern.

my beef caserole was okok

OMG wat shit is that?

e waitor advised ray against havn seafood cos e good ones come in portions too huge for him. he insisted on havin some seafood cos that’s like e cool thing to do.. so he got… 1 BURNT HUMONGOUS OCTOPUS TENTACLE!! hahaha. 笑死我了.. haha!

we also went to see e Acropolis at nite..
n ppl makin out at BLOW HILL. haha!

lunch - YUMMY seafood platter

on our last day we had lunch al fresco at one of those hippy restaurants along e most touristy spot in athens. e lunch turned out quite nice! lucky huh.. if not i’ll be complainin again haha. e small fried fish was yummy! i cld swallow e bones but ray cldnt! heehee.

omg why’s ray eatin SHIT again!!!

n then we visited e Agora before we left athens. it was one of my fave place in athens actually. at first look u’ll think there’s nothin there, all ruins which no one prolly can figure out how they used to look like, except frm e drawings on e info panels. however, e pics turned out really beautiful.. i really cant believe e pics. imagine doin a (weddin) photo shoot here. woooo.. perfecto!

I enjoyed bein in Athens very much. e weather was good, food was not bad, clubbin was fun, historical sites beautiful.. n e overall feel wonderful! I love Athens.. but a short trip wld be good enough. couple tt wif some island hoppin n i’m sure it’ll be perfect!

the unbelievably long long queue

there was a staff at e entrance n he asked if we made a reservation. and yes, we did!! we forgot to bring our tix tho.. almost wanted to slap myself, but he asked if i rem my reservation no. erm.. i think i rem, cos i was e most kiasu person in e whole wide world who made a reservation wif e guided tours 3 mths ago, so we’re no. 1! LOL.. so in we went.. in a breeze, skipped ALL e queues n even e shorter queue for tours wahaha!

YAY YAY!

the vatican museums were interesting, fascinating. i wldnt mind gg there again really, cos there’s so much to see n it’s impossible to finish seein n rememberin everythin. we were there for a whole 6 hrs!! i dun think any of my frens wld do this long.. it’s jus a matter of preference. in our case, we were critics of e vatican bleah. haha.

we saw a mummy! first time for me..

wat i really liked were e illuminated walkways

e illusionistic 3D frescoes, n of course all e other colorful frescoes

2 interestin spiral staircases at e exit

at e exit

then we popped by St Peter’s Square, since we’ve alrdy made another reservation to go for e midnite mass at St Peter’s Basilica. n yup, we forgot our tix as well, n there aint any no. for this.. n we were so tired after e museums, we decided to give xmas countdown a miss. hahaha PIG XING XING!

St Peter’s Basilica at nite

e stage for e xmas countdown, which we never got to see

on xmas day, i fell really really ill. was half conscious wif a high fever, n doctors were most prob not available on xmas day. xing xing nursed me that time, placin a cold towel on my burnin forehead n changin it every now n then. when i almost cldn’t bear it anymore, he went out in e cold to look for a pharmacy. rome was extremely cold that day, colder than london.. two hrs later he wasnt back n i got worried, so i tried gettin dressed to go look for him, altho i felt like i was gonna faint anytime. jus when i got to e door, he came back. i hugged him so tightly n cried in his arms, like i was so afraid to lose him. i will prolly rem this day for a long time..

the next day, i managed to go out.. n we visited e colosseum. it was beautiful on e outside, but there aint much inside really.

outside colosseum

inside colosseum - my face pale as a sheet

e audio guide was not exactly interesting as well. perhaps it was also cos i was still sick, i found it rather uninterestin compared to e vatican museums. if u’re gg, u shld put vatican musems as one of e last place on e itinerary.

the ancient ruins behind us

so then we came to e roman forum, which sounded like rather interestin in e guidebook, but cos it rained previously, e ground was somewat muddy n uneven. definitely not sthg i’d enjoy walkin thru when im half dead wif my fever.

n then we visited e capitoline museums on e way, cos we’ve alrdy got tix beforehand. i was really dyin alrdy n really jus wanted to leave. bleah.. it was not bad actually, but like i said, nothin comes close to e vatican musems.

at capitoline museum

xx said he’s amazed wif how i can force sucha wide smile out when im so sick. haha.. but still i looked like a ghost lar!

tt nite, we had steak at a steakhouse at roma termini. xing xing said it was his best meal in italy haha. i thot it was not bad, but of course i din enjoy my sirloin steak salad as much as he enjoyed his NY strip.

us at dinner

e next day - another massive queue at St Peter’s Basilica

there was yet another long queue at st peter’s basilica. since reservation wasnt allowed, we hadda queue wif everyone else. well, xing xing queued.. while i sat at a corner heehee.

inside St Peter’s Basilica - e matyrdom of st peter, me in e church, n e dome

the basilica was indeed grand n beautiful. after e tour inside, we joined e queue outside to go up e dome. then somewhere in e middle of e queue, we saw a warning sign. there were i-duno-how-many steps to climb n it’s not recommended for ppl wif health problems etc. i decided to back out on this one since i was still very ill.. shucks man. wat a waste.

St Peter’s Basilica in e day

we also visited e Pantheon - a burial place for Italian monarchs

and La Maddalena to see its baroque illusionistic ceiling

there’s a box where u cld put 50cents in n it’ll lit up e ceiling for a short while. still wif e dim lights on, my camera cldnt take much of wat’s on e ceiling. wat u see here is a highly photoshopped pic. gosh.. i so wanna get an SLR!!

our last stop in rome was e Trevi Fountain! the fountain is really beautiful at nite.. we hadda fight wif many ppl for a space right in front of e fountain lol.. e pics turned out lovely.

us at trevi fountain

and so that’s e end of our rome and italy trip. rome is an interesting place wif loads of historical value.. however, if u’re thinkin of anythin like a modern n clean city, u’ll be in for a disappointment. haha. it’s quite dirty wif heaps of smokers on e streets. it’s basically like CHINA! wahaha. that said, rome is still a must-go for everyone who hasnt been there, since there’re so many interesting world famous sites to see!

—

i really wanna eat.. but then everytime i eat anythin, they jus taste bad to me. n if i force myself to eat i jus end up feelin pukish. OMIGOD..

tt’s how much my moods can affect my appetite. i totally hate it cos all i can think of is my shrinkin boobs. BOOHOO! HELP ME HELP ME!! i wished i can jus buy bee hoon soup frm any nearby shop like how i do in singapore. damn.

我要吃饭 我要吃饭！！！

—

the relationship has reached a point where too much negative feelings have built up. it has lost its innocence n beauty, n i dun see how it can be solved easily.

i tend to be an impulsive person wif such things.. and altho i’ve thot abt this a million times, i still cannot be sure that im not bein rash. oh well.. it was a very painful decision. was cryin like a little girl again.. but wat’s new? im jus a crybaby.. i think i have to skip class today.. sian.. waste money leh.

xing xing is full of optimism.. he thinks we can work things out again. unlike him, im a pessimist n im weak. but i do think it’s a matter of time before i will get better. or maybe i wont.. n i may be crawlin back to him very soon..

—

e guest speaker was Aubrey de Grey, well known for his strong views on longevity. when i first saw him i thot he was the IT person settin up e presentation slides.. he wore long, frizzy hair tt was loosely tied up wif a scrunchy n a long, bushy beard. he din wear a suit n wore track shoes wif black socks! but he’s a doctor! a very unconventional one definitely.

anyway e main points of his presentation were:

1) humans have no genes for aging - so we cannot simply knock out agin genes to live longer
2) metabolism causes damage to e body which eventually leads to pathology/death
3) to interfere wif metabolism or pathology wld be difficult n too complicated
4) so he believes tt there’ll be a therapy tt can target damages n correct them
5) if he succeeds, ppl can live at least 300 yrs more –> dep. on e age at which therapy starts
6) and.. e first batch of infants who start e therapy at tt age can expect to live 1000 yrs!!

and there wont be any need for insurance n actuaries anymore since ppl live practically forever! pensions will also have to be completely relooked upon since pensioners will be takin their pension for 1000 yrs!! it was a very exciting thot actually.. altho we noticed tt e project is still in its infancy (or maybe foetal??) stage. there isnt any concrete therapy they have in mind yet n gods noes if it’ll really work.

apparently someone has alrdy managed to prolong e lifespan of a micro-organism frm its normal 1 day to 7 days! that sounds like freaky eh..?

—

i thot perhaps he was lookin at some work i’ve done n thot they were crappy n thot i’m really rubbish at my job. well apparently, hearin frm another classmate, he’s been upset abt it since i came over. n e worse thing is, he’s influenced some other colleague(s) into thinkin this way.

they think “why shld e company guarantee me a job? well liddat everyone can go study n dun work alrdy.” well seriously speakin, anyone cld do so. no one is stoppin them to take a yr off n do self study or enrol on a post grad course. i took a step that’s different frm most ppl n they think i wanna leap frog them by payin a small sum of money.

oh well if they think tt spending $88k on this whole trip n earning like $2k more a month in exchange is sucha good deal, why dun they try doin it as well? to do e sums, this means 3yrs+ of additional $2k salary to recoup e capital. that’s not includin e salary i lost out while studyin for a yr!

there’s actually an easier way out: go on a one yr no pay leave, study full time at home then go on a 2 mth holiday in europe. i think this is much cheaper, but wat i wanted was to experience overseas life! i dun even understand why when u take on a lose-money venture, u have to be bitched abt by ppl behind ur back. gosh.

a girl was reportedly so affected tt she’s contemplatin leavin this unfair, undeserving company. i dun exactly understand why since i havent talked to them personally. e sabbatical is not such a great deal after all.. i’m not paid any pro-rated bonus, no benefits watsoever.

n that’s e prob.. they’re not jealous abt me havin some good deal benefits. they’re jus sick of e idea that e company is makin an arrangement which guarantees me a job after i grad. erm.. i dun really understand it. i jus like to be in a department where everyone is frenly n nice. i’ve worked quite hard in savin e relationship wif e girl-colleague but now it’s all ruined again.

felt a bit upset over all these, like no matter how i try i still cannot fit into e dept. it’s e same sense of helplessness wif xing xing… like no matter how hard i try things jus go downhill? maybe i shld jus go to another company. like maybe i shld jus change a bf.. no?

—