lil’ snow white

my little cousin is 12 this yr but she’s in primary 5 cos she spent her childhood in venezuela. she’s studyin in some neighbourhood sch where she got this supposedly cute 14 yr old china-boy as a bf. apparently this guy has another gf n wat’s really appallin is that he taught my lil cousin how to wank! freak…

my cousin’s msn nick now talks abt love him, love her etc.. she thinks she’s in love wif him n she hopes he’ll love him back e same way etc. shit. n i heard she nows spks e language of LJ and TMD et al. and i thot i was bad enough when i was a young rebellious girl in my sec sch yrs. this girl is barely sec 1 n she’s like e sec 4 equivalent of our time! sheesh.

n then i get scared thinkin of how i shld teach my kid in future. i want to be a modern mum who’s carin n understandin. i want to spend time wif my kid after her sch.. we can go shoppin, watch a movie, have high tea, wateva. i jus wanna be a fren so that she’ll let me into her teenage world n i can understand her better.

i want to let her experience life to the fullest, have fun while young but at e same time i wanna let her understand that she must be responsible. she can go overseas n study, have a nice car if circumstances allow, but she shld be sensible enough to drive carefully n not succumb to peer pressure etc. thinkin of my 2 frens who passed away while drivin overseas makes me shudder.

she can party n date guys but i strongly encourage her not to slp wif them. sometimes i wonder if the kids will listen. how shld i guide her without appearin too domineerin? how can i get her to tell me all that’s happenin to her without being too overbearing? well i sure hope that by providin her with a happy n warm family it’ll shape her beliefs n values the right way, so that she’ll grow up to be a happy n good person.

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on 14th june (last wed) we received an email frm dbs informin us of a 10% rebate for black card holders at all luxury boutiques in ngee ann city on e followin day (thurs). FREAK.

i was damn angry wif myself for not waitin another wk or so before gettin my bag n wallet. that nite i jus cldnt slp. dbs jus wasnt sincere enough to send out the mailer in advance. why must they always do such last min mails? i bet they jus din wan everyone to wait till the rebate day n spend thousands at a go.

damn. i kept thinkin of the $200 rebate that i missed n i jus cldnt get over it for e next few days! argh.. irritating!!!

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the study period has begun n im fallin into depression soon. haha. been workin so hard on wkdays, rushin to dance classes/gym classes after work, tt i feel so drained by e time it’s wkend. and e worst thing? since i din have time to study on wkdays, i have to study durin wkends! shit.

the vicious cycle has started once again. it’s a period of work n study, stress n depression. well i guess i have to shelf my dancin plans for a while after my current classes end so that i can have more time to study on wkdays n have time to relax over e wkend.

life sucks when u have to study while workin. n it sucks big time when u’re doing actuarial papers! haha. jus a wk ago i was so motivated to start studyin again since i got my biggest increment so far frm clearin 3 papers. but now that it’s sat, i jus wanna take a breather n relax, even if it means walkin ard the malls n bookshops alone.

i’ve got so many things to blog abt, but i jus cldnt find time to do so over e wk. shall post them today before i leave e hse!

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it’s a rough patch me n baby have been going thru, as we finally realised the root to our problems. lack of trust, i attribute the probs to. it prolly started frm me, when i was too harsh wif my words in e past, and now he’s become too defensive whenever i make negative comments.

it’s not that im oblivious to this prob. so eventually whenever i have some comments, i keep them to myself if i think it’s gonna give baby the wrong idea that i’m tryin to manipulate him.

it’s so hard tryin to fix sthg that shld’ve come so naturally. like communication. sometimes we get so sian abt our r/s, so i suggested a split up last nite. frm then till this morn, i jus cldnt stop cryin. lookin over to my baby who’s so soundly aslp, i jus can’t help but feel so sad thinkin that it might be our last morn together.

so this morn, i asked if we shld give our r/s one more try. and i said i’ll try to trust, and baby will have to be less defensive, and we shall be more open to each other. i dunno if this is gonna work tho. sometimes i jus dunno how those couples survive thru e years n still be so lovin. don’t they ever feel like givin up?

in any case i hope we can work things out n even out our differences. i dunno wat e future holds but i love my baby too much right now to let him go. i’m not sure if he’s e one for me but i seriously wish that he is.

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Last thurs i made my first trip to union square! as expected, i was so super duper cock. wahaha. apart frm my baby and my new classmates frm attitude, i danced with 3 other guys who came forward to ask me for a dance. man, i was so lousy cos i cldnt read most of their lead at all.

the best guy i danced wif, was the first guy who invited me to the dancefloor. he was very gentlemanly.. he held my hand n walked me to the dancefloor (while i turned ard n stuck out my tongue at my frens cos i knew i was so gonna be stuck). anyway he was so good at salsa, he made me a better dancer all of a sudden! but then still, half e time i din manage to decipher wat he was tryin to do so i ended up stoppin et al. we ended up stickin out our tongues at each other, which was even funnier. so shy.. if only i had practised harder. hahaha. well, he turned out to be baby’s fren who happens to be fiona’s colleague!! wahaha. eddy ler is his name, a corporate banker at uob. 

despite the embarassment, union was still very fun and i can’t wait to go again! i dun wanna go wif those weird weird dancers frm JJ tho. wahaha. only two-left-feet and attitude ppl pleaseee~!!

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