lil’ snow white

i discovered a trend among my past relationships.

past r/s:

1st - 3 + 1/2 yrs

2nd - 1 yr

3rd - 6 mths

4th - 4 + 1/2 mths

projection:

5th - 3 mths

6th - 2 mths

7th - 1 mth?

HOLY SHIT! no way man.. actually ever since the 3rd bf, i’ve set out to find a steady bf whom i can eventually marry. others who dun make the mark were never included in the list heh. but it seems like i’ve failed to keep a r/s again.

it feels so weird.. jus few days back i posted an entry sayin that i felt very blissful, and jus one day ago i was telling adeline that i felt very lucky to have met my bf, and then the next day we’ve split up. but then i also realised that the more r/s we’ve been thru, the easier it is to say brk up. i rem the time when i was wif jiayu my 1st bf, we quarrelled, we cried and we survived as a couple for more than 3 yrs. these days we say brk up as soon as we suspect the presence of a ‘fundamental’ prob.

as we go thru more brkups, it also appears that they become easier to handle. it still feels like shit, but the tears have not only become lesser, they are also much more controllable. life still sucks big time, but i’m still able to study albeit at a much slower pace. u’d think, if i can survive the past brkup, there’s no reason why i cannot survive this.

actually the most tedious thing following a brk up is the explanations u have to do. come april when there’s a family gathering, my aunties will be askin where wai chiong is etc. even if i try to avoid the question, the truth will be out when no one sends me off to japan or pick me up frm the airport when i return. and then there’ll be frens who’ll start analysing ur failed r/s, there’ll be some who will side u, n others who will side him n then the explanations continue. it’s such a chore. n everyone will think “oh she’s gonna change boyfren AGAIN” oh fuck! leave me alone.

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