lil’ snow white

talkin abt studies, i’m seriously impressed by aurelius today. he’s one of e few guys who can really impress m, by bein really smart, capable n well read, n not to mention bein a gentleman.

how i wished he’s my bf, haha! then we can study together n i can be jus as good as he is now. oh shucks. i dun like him in tt sense lar, jus tt i wanna be smart like him, n like how i used to be. omigod, i’m so stressed by e 2 big quizzes comin up. i’ve set high stds for myself n i wanna do well. but i noe it in me tt my brains r no longer as good as they used to be. i’m jus another poor strugglin student now. WHY???

how sad. so i offered my strategy: hold on to Mr B for one mth, n talk to Mr C for another 2-3 more mths before decidin. how selfish i sound eh?

she plans to slowly drift apart frm e bf, which she alrdy had begun doin more than a mth ago. i can imagine how sad Mr B e Bf will be when he noes tt things r not rite.

n i can’t help but wonder if anthony was thinkin like my Ms A too, durin e final wk or so into our r/s.. it’s jus weird, sthg i cannot accept, how ppl can jus change like this. but did i do exactly e same thing to raymond too? do i see only all of others’ mistakes n none of mine?

i can’t go out too often cos i’d uncontrollably spend like nobody’s business n ruin my savings plan. shucks, it really takes alot to follow a schedule. it’s jus not me to follow plans. but i jus wanna do sthg really different this time, to make use of e time i haf now to make a difference in my life! somebody help me..

so now, i’m not supposed to use ANY facial pdts, not supposed to go for any facial etc. yay!! good chance to save up!!

n then my dad was tellin me over lunch abt his family, which i’ve neva really had a chance to hear much of. then he even brought me to see my 2nd uncle!

his wife even gave me a box of mooncakes which she made! i was almost touched to tears. i’m still very touched now.. so happy. hehe.

What do you do when you’re mad?
:: curse n cry.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?
:: slapped someone till my palms were bruised(?)

If you can take back time, would you have never done this?
:: i guess if it happens now i wont be so mad again

Do certain songs make you cry?
:: yeah this tony leong’s cantonese song. n i haf no idea y!

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to go through?
:: if it’s hard i usually give up. shucks!

What’s the worst thing you’ve done to yourself?
:: love myself too much to do anythin bad i guess.

What’s the worst thing you’ve done to somebody else?
:: eh.. led them on? neva stopped regrettin tt tho. =(

Are you normally a happy person?
:: used to be really happy all da time. now i’m jus fine.

What can make you happy?
:: if things remain e same, all i need is LOVE. =)

Are you a mean bully?
:: most of e time i’m bein bullied. but if i’m angry u’re dead. hehe.

Do you hate any one who breaks your heart?
:: never, as long as they’re still sincere in keepin e frenship.

Is your self-esteem extremely low?
:: nope. i noe wat i’m good at n wat i totally suck at.

When people say they think you are pretty, do you deny you are?
:: i think they r jus not as critical as i am. hahaha.

Are you one of those idiots who think they are ugly, dumb, and fat?
:: yeah not so pretty, not hardworkin n not exercisin. can be improved on tho.

yeah this is jus one of e pages tt i’ve churned out for my actuarial homework. bein e super tidy freak tt i am, i jus hafta arrange these columns nicely, write some nice symbols usin equation editor, do some formattin et al. aka non-value-addin chores. wahahaha. but it’s fun~! yay yay yay yay~!!

i jus wanna give up.. but i dunno wat i wanna give up on. duh. i jus can’t bring myself to study alone at home. maybe i jus need a new environment everyday. maybe i jus need a good companion to study wif me. freak.. i think i need a boyfriend. sighs..